What does one say after disappearing for over four months? Hello seems insufficient, and yet lengthy explanations seem unnecessary and unwanted. Let’s just go with I’m back, for now at least, because who knows when and how often the mood will strike me again.
What a whirlwind it’s been, friends. Since I last posted I have plunged deeply into self-employment and grappled with all the panic that can accompany leaving traditional employment behind. I briefly thought the entire Okanagan was going to burn down, and spent weeks feeling trapped inside to avoid thick smoke from the many, many wildfires this summer. I have moved back to the mountains which is wonderful now that I am here, but was less wonderful during the packing/moving process. I still have two cats that do not even remotely get along. We may be the only people without human children to own two baby gates for the sole purpose of keeping their beloved cats from killing each other. Alas, it’s been a full four months to say the least.
But Friday Fire is ultimately about what lights us up, and thankfully after four months of feeling like I was in the darkest nights of my soul yet, I feel like I am emerging into the light again. So without further adieu, here is what’s lit me up lately:
1. Larch Season: IYKYK and if you don’t….well, I’m sorry, because it is truly one of the most beautiful and magical seasons in mountain nature. Today, I said a big F you to work and escaped to the trails. Within a couple hours, I was surrounded by golden larches and I was moved to tears.
2. Ted Lasso: This is the problem with writing for the first time after 4 months. You’re all like ‘old news!’. Well, it’s still uplifting as hell and, if you really think about it, there’s not all that much television that’s uplifting these days.
3. Crab Doughnut: One of our local breweries has a crab doughnut on its menu and it is amazing. Relax, it’s not a sweet doughnut. It’s savoury. With cheese. And a heaping pile of crab. And fried dough. I mean, why is this not a thing everywhere?
4. (maybe sometimes still?) Crawling out of a dark hole: For anyone who has gone through dark times, I empathize with you. These last few months were certainly not my only dark nights of the soul, but it had been a while and I forgot just how unnerving it can be. As it turns out, even change that you want (i.e. quitting your job and moving to your favourite place) can leave you feeling rudderless and can shake your identity to the core. Sometimes coming out of that darkness takes time. Honestly, I’m still working on it. But it feels good to be surrounded by fresh mountain air, and to finally feel like writing again. If you are in a dark hole right now, I see you. I hope that you have practices that help you see the light again and, most importantly, that you still believe it’s possible.
With that, I leave you to your weekend. I am going to adventure in the woods, breathe pine-scented air, and keep at the work of coming into the light. May you find yourself doing whatever fills your heart. You got this.
Anyone Can Run an Ultra (and other lies I tell myself) 