Mid-Week Tangent: On My Method for Selecting Favourite Golfers

As you may know, we are currently in Orlando, partly feeding our rampant Disney obsession, but also partly to attend the Arnold Palmer invitational golf tournament.

I know, I know, you’re currently asking yourself who actually likes watching golf. I used to feel that way too. I never understood how it became a televised sport nor why anyone would want to watch it. Then, at some point in the early days of dating my lovely boyfriend, I saw an opportunity to extend my visit with him if I could just sit (ahem, suffer) through a bit of golf. The things we do for love.  Somehow, though, it got interesting. I wanted to understand how the game worked. I wanted to see who would crack under the pressure and who would flourish. I wanted to keep watching.

And so it began. Now, well over a year later, I am a full-on golf-watching addict. I don’t play, except for messing around on the putting green, but I do love to watch.  So I’m very, very, very excited to be going to my very first tournament. My boyfriend, on the other hand, appears to be slightly fearful that I will violate the rules by incessantly snapping pictures and/or audibly heckling the players I don’t like. So little trust!

Speaking of players I don’t like, the list is long and my reasons for disliking them are admittedly not rational. In a similar vein, my selection criteria for my favourite golfers is atypical to say the least. And so, I present to you my highly unofficial and illogical criteria for selecting my favourite golf players:

1. Do they “look pleasant”?: This is a purely subjective measure by any standard, but I have absolutely no tolerance for golfers who spend the entire tournament looking like they hate their lives or like emotionless robots (I’m looking at you Dustin Johnson). I get it, golf is stressful and you might want to put on a game face. Some will call it focus, but I just call it being no fun.  I’ll cheer on the guys who look like they’re having fun or at least appear to have a sense of humour.

2. Do they abstain from annoying and/or disgusting behaviors (like throwing golf clubs in a hissy fit when they don’t like how they hit their shot or spitting on the golf course)?  Ugh, I cannot stand it when golfers spit. You are on television!!! Also, spare me your dramatic antics when the ball doesn’t go exactly where you want it to.  Last week I watched as a notable player released his club at the end of his swing, unhappy with it, only to have his club narrowly miss hitting someone in the crowd. Not cool.

3. Do you occasionally do something interesting or unexpected? I used to hate Henrik Stenson (he violated rule #1) but then he won a tournament and gave his wife a celebratory smack on the butt, completely winning me over. He went from no fun to a little playful. Also, he once stripped down to his skivvies to hit a shot from the water. That’s badass.

4. (most important) Do they dress well?: I could write a whole damn post about the travesty of old-man golf pants. Seriously, there are so many fit and slim golf players who walk around in baggy, khaki style golf pants. Why?!?! Wear some pants that fit and with some semblance of style for goodness sake!  I am a fan of bold colours, properly fitting clothes and stylish golf shoes, the combination of which is surprisingly hard to find. Current fashion faves: Jordan Spieth, Ricky Fowler, Martin Kaymer, Jason Day, and Rory McIlroy.

Notice, none of these criteria have anything to do with being a good golfer. For the most part this means that my favourites rarely win so watching. In the workplace, we often acknowledge that just having talent isn’t enough; like it or not, people with some charisma will often be seen in a greater light than those without. Golf is no different. Come on golfers, get excited and put on some nice clothes and you’ll have a fan (in me) for life!

Okay, enough of my soapboxing. I’m going to go follow Rory and Jason and Ricky around for a few days. I hope to return with photographic proof of their fashion sense and enthusiasm.

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