Mid-Week Tangent: Rage & Furniture Assembly

Moving inevitably involves putting furniture together and/or taking furniture apart. I know that I will not be alone in my absolute disdain for these tasks. Does anyone actually like putting furniture together? There is a reason retailers offer white glove service and that reason is people like me. Yet somehow people (ahem, like my boyfriend) are always convincing me that I shouldn’t ‘waste money’ on things like furniture assembly. To them I say, yes, yes I should. And so should you.

Putting together and taking apart furniture fills me with rage. Rage. Like the kind of cursing, talking-to-yourself, giving-up-on-the-task-for-minutes-on-end, seething-on-the-inside rage.  I’m not saying it’s a normal reaction, but I am promising you this is what occurs.  And I’m not even talking about complicated furniture assembly here. It doesn’t matter how simple it is. For me, the struggle is still real.

I am cursed with a personality combination that is, I think, particularly troubling for tasks like furniture assembly: I have virtually no patience and I lack any visual spacial perception.  Those wordless drawings that come in furniture guides, those are meant for people capable of visualizing shape rotation and scale. That is not me. I am just lost, plain and simple. This is troubling enough on its own but to add insult to injury, this lack of visual spatial perception triggers my lack of patience like nothing else. Rage.

The product of 1.5 hours. The bigger question is whether it will collapse once I put books in it.
The product of 1.5 hours. The bigger question is whether it will collapse once I put books in it.

And don’t even get me started on those alan keys. Shouldn’t all furniture assembly require only a simple screwdriver? Everyone owns a screwdriver. No one owns an alan key. They come with the furniture and then promptly get stored in the place where random tools go to die. In other words, you can never find them when you need them. To top it off, they are always the wrong size. I may have just spent 1.5 hours taking apart a table because I had to turn the alan key in ridiculous quarter-turns because it was too long to fit into a tiny inside corner of the table. Rage.

So tiny and yet so capable of evoking pure and utter rage.
So tiny and yet so capable of evoking pure and utter rage.

All I can say is from this day forward absolutely no one can tell me not to pay for furniture assembly. No one.

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